To my most excellent and special little dude. There is nothing in this world that could have taught me more about pure love and about tolerance than you. I am so very proud of you every single day.
There are many seemingly harmless things in this world that are so very terrifying to you. Yet, you persevere and try hard every day to get over and past those fears and push yourself to be the best person that you can be. I love watching the joy on your face when you are riding your bike so fast I worry. To think there was a time that we thought you would never enjoy that experience. I love seeing you smile around people that have made you feel comfortable over the years. Another very simple thing that we weren’t sure you’d ever accomplish.
Every day you wake up and immediately start working hard. I know that every time you step out of the safety and acceptance of our home you are scared and anxious and that it takes every bit of energy you possess to just get through the day, trying to be a “good boy”.
You work harder than any other person I know, my sweetie! I know that going to school is so very hard on you, as you are still so afraid of the unpredictability of your peers. You get so anxious that you don’t know what to do, and sometimes hit out or yell at your “friends”. They become a little wary of you, and that hurts your feelings, but you don’t really know why. It breaks my heart to see you go through this each and every day, but I hold hope that one day you’ll figure this out much like you learned to ride your bike and now do so with such pride in yourself.
I am moved by the developing love you have for your little sister. She basks in your attention, and I am so proud of the empathy that you are starting to show her, and how careful you are learning to be with her. I love how you are also learning from her.
Your honesty never ceases to amaze me. You are so succinct in what you think and have no hesitation whatsoever to express your thoughts and feelings. While on one hand, this can be socially unacceptable, I am in awe of the idea that you will be able to move about this world without having to play the “games” that so many of us do with regularity. You are free in a way few can understand or emulate.
I am amazed by how very smart you are! You are in such a hurry to be an adult, and I think this may be because you are so bored with the limits placed on a 5 year old child. While I am amused when you say “Mom, I’m really an adult stuck in a kid’s body”, I also feel pain for the frustration this must cause you every second.
While you talk non-stop, and “make Mommy’s ears tired”, I am counting my blessings every single day. So many of your peers at the Queen Alexandra are not able to communicate on even a basic level, yet here you are with the vocabulary and apparent knowledge of a Philadelphia lawyer.
I get frustrated when I have to constantly negotiate with you and try to stay 5 steps ahead of you, but would have it no other way. I just hope that one day we can have actual conversations. That would be so nice and I really look forward to it.
I love how you now love to cuddle with me. I love to feel you all curled up in my lap, warm and snugly. I love smelling your hair and breathing you in. There was a time I wondered if we would ever share that, and it is the most special thing of all.
You have taught me so much. You have taught me that we don’t all fit into a perfect little box, and that this is OK. You have taught me that it’s OK to just be yourself. You have taught me that I am strong and patient and kind. You have taught me that I can be a warrior for you when I need to be. You have taught me that there are many ways to express love and emotion, and all of them are acceptable. You have made me slow down and really notice all the small things around me, as they can be very big things to others. You have taught me that I can get by on very little sleep!
Cooper, having you is like having my heart walking around outside of my body. I couldn’t love you more, or be more proud of you. You have already accomplished so much in your short life…so much more than many of the adults you aspire to be.
You have been dealt a very serious blow as of late. You don’t really understand what is happening, but you do know that someone is trying to take away something that has helped you immensely and makes you feel safe. I have, thanks to this, for the first time seen you express righteous anger. This makes me hopeful that one day, you will be able to take care of and advocate for yourself and possibly others.
You are the best parts of me and your dad, and such a character in your own right. I am so very glad to know you and share in your life. I am unspeakably proud to be the mother to such an amazing little boy who is going to grow into an amazing man.
I love you ten million gazillion, little man! Always will! Big squishy hugs and love from your Mom!
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